Gedaliah and the Bodyguards

Rosh Hashana begins this Wednesday evening, the day G-d created Adam and Eve. The new year of 5778 is just around the corner, a new year filled with new chances, new beginnings, new hope, new dreams, new dangers. WAIT? What? What was that last bit? New DANGERS? Huh? How does that fit in?

On the 24th after Rosh Hashana is Tzom Gedaliah Fast Day. Who was Gedaliah and why are we fasting? From Chabad, the snipped version:

Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylonia, had accomplished his purpose. He had completely subdued the Kingdom of Judah and destroyed its capital of Jerusalem and its most sacred shrine, the Holy Temple. He had slain or captured most of the royal family and the nobility of the land. The upper classes of the Jewish people, including the leaders of the priesthood and the chief civil and military officers, were led captives en masse to Babylon. Many of them were mercilessly put to death at Riblah. Judah was crushed and bereaved of its best sons.

However, Nebuchadnezzar did not wish to turn the land of Judah into a complete desert. He permitted the poorer classes to remain in Judah to till the soil and to tend their vineyards. Over them Nebuchadnezzar had appointed Gedaliah, the son of Ahikam, as governor.

Gedaliah was a wise man, gentle and modest. He zealously began to encourage the people to cultivate the fields and vineyards, and thus lay the foundation of security. Under the wise administration of Gedaliah, the Jewish community began to prosper. Its fame began to spread abroad. Many Jews who had fled to places of safety in neighboring lands during the war of destruction were attracted by the news of the revival of the Jewish community in Judah.

Among the refugees who had joined Gedaliah in Mizpah was Ishmael, the son of Nethaniah, a descendant of the royal house of Zedekiah, the last king of Judah. Ishmael was an ambitious man who would stop at nothing to attain his goal. The honor and success that Gedaliah had won filled him with cruel jealousy. Ishmael began to plot against Gedaliah.

The conspiracy became known to Johanan, the son of Kareah, a devoted officer of Gedaliah. Johanan warned the governor of the danger threatening his person. Gedaliah, however, being of a true and generous nature, shrank from believing such treachery. When Johanan offered to slay Ishmael secretly before the latter could carry out his evil plans, Gedaliah indignantly rejected the proposal.

Ishmael bided his time. He was invited by the governor to a feast at Mizpah on Rosh Hashanah. Ishmael arrived at the banquet in the company of ten followers. During the feast, the ruthless band attacked and slew the governor. Having assassinated their host, they commenced a terrible massacre. Ishmael murdered many prominent followers of Gedaliah, and put to the sword the small Chaldean garrison stationed at Mizpah. His murderous deed accomplished, Ishmael left Mizpah with many captives, heading for Ammon.

Johanan and a few of his brave men had escaped the massacre, for they were not in Mizpah at that time. When Johanan learned of the terrible tragedy, be rallied additional help and pursued the assassin. Overtaking Ishmael near Gibeon in Benjamin, Johanan succeeded in freeing the captives.

And that was the end of the Jewish community in Judah until the return of the Babylonian exiles in the year 3390 (371 BCE).

Every year brings new and different dangers to us all. I am shamelessly cabbaging this video from Y.B. ben Avraham

How to face those dangers, hmmm. Well, some of the elite are turning to bodyguards. In fact there has been an assertion they are the new status symbol of the wealthy.

When Upper East Side dad Michael planned a French getaway for his family this summer, his first move wasn’t to book a hotel. Instead, he contacted armed guards.

Each morning in Paris, Michael (who requested a pseudonym because of privacy concerns), his wife and their 10-year-old son would stroll out of the Hotel George V, where suites can go for $5,000 a night, to meet their personal security detail: two strapping ex-military men who cost $2,000 a day.

That would be each, and they usually don’t work alone. In case you are in the market, I got these prices from Executive Protection Services. For a private citizen? You know, your average Jane or John Doe, 30 days of continuous Protection – $30,000/month. If you need more, for example you’re anti-gun like Rosie, George or most all of Hollyweird, 30 Day Continuous Protection – $50,000/month or there’s Hollywood Bodyguard Services – $500,000/year.

But I suppose I understand it. What with the four American women just attacked in France by a “mentally ill” woman. Which is how the French now seem to be describing muslim attacks. These women had acid thrown in their faces. A popular activity from the religion of pieces. As I mentioned in another column acid attacks have risen world wide. From the Gateway Pundit

There have been 1,500 recorded acid attacks in London since 2011 according to British media.

The Daily Caller reported that acid attacks in London are up 250% in the last year or so.

Or let’s say you’re Jane or John Doe, who happen to live, work or want to go to the hospital in St. Louis. St. Louis is the site of the latest outbreak of “peaceful protests” against white police killing poor black heroin dealers without any reason other than they backed into a police cruiser as the police were approaching him, then sped off narrowly missing the police officer. The angelic heroin dealer then went on a chase which ended when another officer rammed his car. Both officers got out of their car, the suspect was told to show his hands, that didn’t happen and the police officer in question said the dealer was going for a gun. The state tried to claim the officer planted the gun, the state was unsuccessful in proving that claim and the judge observed

Judge Wilson noted, “Finally, the court observes, based on nearly thirty years on the bench, that an urban heroin dealer not in possession of a firearm would be an anomaly.”

If you haven’t met Kevin Jackson, you should. He’s very cool beans and smart. He runs the Blackosphere. He really is a nice guy. He pretty much lays it out.

"The real tragedy is that Anthony Lamar Smith was dealing heroin and we act as if he's Rosa Parks."On "FOX & Friends Weekend," Kevin Jackson gave his take on the acquittal of a police officer in the killing of Anthony Lamar Smith. http://fxn.ws/2vZxJP7

Posted by Fox News on Saturday, September 16, 2017

Whatever the officer did or didn’t do, whatever the heroin dealer did or didn’t do, the result is the same. A verdict was handed down saying the officer was not guilty. And the now more or less predictable happened. The liberals, antifa, blms protested fascism by becoming a mob of fascists. They rioted, destroyed private property and attacked police officers, injuring 11 of them. There’s a list of the injured and property damage here. They shut down roadways blocking access to two hospitals, basically shut down a shopping mall with the inane saying “you kill our kids we kill your sales”, and broke windows in a Macy’s store while screaming “black lives matter”. Yeah, boy howdy. Nothing says social justice and the heroin dealer was an angel like attacking people and property to prove your point. I don’t feel too bad about Mayor Crewson’s house though. Unlike when Jay Nixon-Demoncrat was Governor though, Governor Eric Greitens is having none of it. Thugs will not be allowed to run amuck without consequences, there have been arrests made and he, unlike Nixon, is backing the police.

I still believe that while there are a few bad apples in every profession, the majority of the police officers do want to help people, do want to save lives and serve. If they get there in time, and if they are around when something bad happens to you, they will help. If you want more assurance than that, perhaps the answer is the personal bodyguards. Isn’t it interesting that all these anti-gun politicians and celebrities have armed personal bodyguards? Of course I still maintain that the first anti-gun vote a politician makes, they should be stripped of their citizen funded bodyguards. They think guns are too dangerous? Fine, live like the rest of us, of course with their salaries, they can probably afford the bodyguards.

The dangers in 5776 were a plenty, some man created like the riots and terrorism, some nature. The result is the same, you may find yourself unexpectedly in a bad situation with bad people. Gedaliah had soldiers, they didn’t stop the assassination. In life there are no guarantees. But there are odds, and there are warnings. Gedaliah was warned, he didn’t want to believe evil in his fellow man. I will. The police may or may not always be good, or they maybe dealing with a massive situation. Bodyguards would be great, they will only focus on who they are hired to protect. If you can afford them. I think the reasonable solution is we are our own bodyguards. For ourselves and our families. As we enter the new year, let us resolve to make 5778 a wonderful and safer year for us all. Let us embrace the possibilities and the joy it offers, but we will not ignore the dangers it brings.

כתיבה וחתימה טובה

Ketivah v’chatima tovah

A good inscription and sealing (in the Book of Life).

Shana Tova
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Remembering Munich 1972

Forty-five years. It’s been forty-five years since eight buckets of chum scaled the 6 ½ foot fence with the unwitting help of some drunk Canadian athletes in to the Olympic village in Munich. When it was all said and done, I am not so sure that it had to end the way it did, with eleven of the Israeli Olympic team dead. But I do think there are some lessons worth revisiting.

I think of a tragedy as something that couldn’t have been prevented. I’m not sure this is that.

There is a documentary called One Day In September. While somethings have become known since the documentary was originally made, there are still some things in it that I’ve read elsewhere for confirmation, and somethings just are, such as the interview with the surviving bucket of chum.

Let’s exam some of those things. The entire village had no armed guards. Not a one. They wanted to show the world how liberal and progressive they were, no longer the Germany of 1936 when hitler used the Olympics to full propaganda effect. The powder blue clad “Olys” were prepared to deal with nothing more dangerous than parking tickets and drunks.

Then we can take a look at info that has come out more recently than the 1999 documentary.

For example a piece in 2012 in Der Spiegel:

The German weekly news magazine Der Spiegel wrote in a cover story in 2012 that the West German authorities had a tip-off from a Palestinian informant in Beirut three weeks before the massacre. The informant told West Germany that Palestinians were planning an “incident” at the Olympic Games, and the Foreign Ministry in Bonn viewed the tip-off seriously enough to pass it on to the secret service in Munich and urge that “all possible security measures” be taken.

However, according to Der Spiegel, the authorities failed to act on the tip, and have never acknowledged it in the following 40 years. The magazine further adds that this is only part of a 40-year cover-up by the German authorities of the mishandling its response to the massacre.

There there’s the bit about the pieceful Falistinians have been shown around the village prior to the games by the helpful East German security, so they knew the layout. Once inside the village, the chum used “stolen” keys to enter the apartments. HELLO? “Stolen” keys? Stolen from whom? I have no idea, but I do wonder if they were stolen or supplied.

Shmuel Lalkin, Israeli delegation head had told Olympic officials he did not like the location for his team, in a remote part of the village near a gate. The Olympic officials promised to provide extra security. That promise was not kept. He also asked to keep a gun with him, that was denied as well.

The Olympic committee asked West German forensic psychologist Georg Sieber to create 26 terrorism scenarios to aid the organizers in planning security.

One scenario accurately predicted what happened, but since Olympic organizers refused to implement security for any of them, it didn’t matter.

Lesson, the Olympic Committee and the German government were far more concerned with “looks” than substance. They wanted everything to appear to be “carefree games”. Appearances may matter, but not as much as substance.

The pieceful Falestinians have always claimed they did it to bring attention to their “plight”, and to win the release of 234 additional wastes of oxygen, buckets of chum. Bull Feathers. Ankie Spitzer and Ilana Romano fought the German government for years for more information. Ankie is the widow of fencing coach Andrei Spitzer, Illana is the widow of Yossef Romano. In a 2015 Daily Mail article a bit of the depravity of the chum was revealed. Yossef Romano who was killed early on when he attempted to overpower the chum was castrated and tortured. While they do not know if he was mutilated before or after he died, his widow believes it was after. In addition to this, we know many of the athletes were beaten, some so severely they had broken bones. And they claim they just came here to free their friend. No, they came to hurt and kill.

One German official tried to reason with them, he tried to convince them to take him as a hostage and let the Israeli athletes go. They had no interest.

One of the interviews on the documentary was a pieceful Falestinian who talked of the “poor refugee village” he grew up in, and how he never thought he’d live anywhere but the refugee village. But how learning to fight and kill Israelis when he was young gave his life meaning. So, one German official offered unlimited sum of money to free the athletes. That was turned down as well.

Hmmm, think about how that money could have gone to help better the lives in that “poor refugee village” that the unrepentant Falestinian droned on about. So actually, it would seem the “plight” of the poor Falestinians was important enough to kidnap Israelis at the Olympics, but not important enough to actually do anything to help them.

Lesson in this, nothing has changed. The U.S. and the U.N. fork over money to the Falestinian Authority. The Falestinian Authority does not use this money to make the lives of their people better, they use it to pay Falestinians to kill Israelis and then name streets after them and build statues of them. The Taylor Force Act passed the Senate with only four Demoncrats voting against it, Cory Booker (NJ), Chris Murphy (CT), Tom Udall (NM) and Jeff Merkley (OR). Does Hamass use the money they collect from Gazans to pay the electric bill? Nope, they build terror tunnels. Now before you feel all sympathetic for the poor Gazans, since a few puppy potty pad papers have seen fit to run some stories featuring sad eyed children and women bemoaning their lot in Gaza, you might want to look at a few of this series of articles. Not satire actually. And this is by no means an exhaustive list. Hamass has been elected by these people, more than once.

Horsing Around In “Concentration Camp” Gaza

Restaurants In “Concentration Camp” Gaza

Scenes From “Concentration Camp” Gaza’s New Mall

New Mall To Soon Open In “Concentration Camp” Gaza

More Scenes From “Concentration Camp” Gaza…Brought To Us By A Hater

A Taste of “Concentration Camp” Gaza: Oregano Restaurant

A Taste of “Concentration Camp” Gaza: Blue Beach Resort

Next lesson, this is Israel’s “Peace Partner”? No, these are people that want to exterminate Israel and the Jews. Something Liberals might want to remember, Jews. Israeli or not. During the 1972 Olympic hostage situation, Mark Spitz had completed his competitions, and since Mark is Jewish, he was placed under heavy guard and shipped back to the US. There already is a two-state solution, it’s called Gaza and Israel. How’s that working out? The hostage operation was financed by Abu Mazen, head of the Falestinian Authority. Peace partner? The one President Trump is meeting with? The one he sends his son-in-law to talk with? How? I do not understand. Gentlemen, wash the blood of your hands if you shake hands with him. Lesson? He has not changed. He’s a murderer financing murder.

Prime Minister Golda Meir wanted to send a team, the German government refused. What angers me about this is the Germans had not a flipping clue what they were doing. Seriously. Their “snipers” were chosen because they had fired a gun, and given rifles inadequate for the job, they had no training. It has been denied that Golda wanted to send a team. In the documentary a smug German official laughs dismissively that of course the request to send a team was turned down. Of course.

During the attempted German “rescue” when the regular, untrained German Police went up on top of the hostage building there was a film crew across on a East German building. Everything the German police were doing was being shown live on TV. The code word “sunshine” never came. There was a TV in every athlete’s room, the Falestinians were watching the whole thing. Lesson? The media cared not one whit about the lives of the endangered Israelis. They cared only for their ratings. In fact in the documentary one person admits some of the stations had a very cynical attitude of “wow, look at the ratings”. Wow, just. The media has been an enemy of decency for a long time. If it were now they would portray the Falestinians as having a pieceful “sit-in”, not a hostage taking situation.

A bit more about the pathetic performance of the German police. There was a decoy Boeing 747 at Furstenfeldenbruch airport. The fake flight crew were German police, who decided seconds before the two helicopters landed with the hostages that their job was unsafe, they didn’t want to do it and left the plane. Telling no one. Of course since the “snipers” weren’t equipped with radios anyway, or helmets, or bullet proof vests along with their inadequate rifles and lack of an accurate count of terrorists. I suppose I really needn’t mention lack of a workable plan. Furstenfeldenbruch airport is where the remaining Israelis died, some by hand grenade, in the other helicopter they were shot. The German police forgot to ordered armored vehicles and by the time they did the vehicles couldn’t get through the roads because they were clogged with all the people in cars coming to watch. See, the police didn’t order the vehicles until the terrorists were at the airport and the shoot out was in progress. Were any of the German police who deserted their post in the 747 ever reprimanded for the desertion? No.

The three surviving terrorists were held prisoner by the Germans for a few days until a Lufthansa flight was “hijacked” with a grand total of twelve people aboard, no women or children. Germany immediately freed the murderers without consulting Israel. The agreement was between the Falestinians and Germany that they would free the killers in return for no more attacks on German soil. And how’s that working out? Appeasement did not work then, it does not work now. The German government lied for years to the families and said they had no further information, but when an anonymous source contacted Ankie’s lawyer after she had been on German television and then sent 80 pages of records, she used it to force the German government to release much of the data they had been denying ever existed, including the photographs.

And lastly, let’s look at the Olympic committee. In addition to inadequate security, not listening to warnings about an attack, they also resumed games as the hostage crisis was on-going. The games were also held the day of the airport slaughter.

During the memorial service, the Olympic Flag was flown at half-staff, along with the flags of most of the other competing nations at the request of Willy Brandt. Ten Arab nations objected to their flags being lowered to honor murdered Israelis; their flags were restored to the tops of their flagpoles almost immediately.

The families of some victims have asked the IOC to establish a permanent memorial to the athletes. The IOC has declined, saying that to introduce a specific reference to the victims could “alienate other members of the Olympic community,” according to the BBC. Alex Gilady, an Israeli IOC official, told the BBC: “We must consider what this could do to other members of the delegations that are hostile to Israel.”

Must we? Really?

The IOC rejected an international campaign in support of a minute of silence at the Opening Ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics in honour of the Israeli victims on the 40th anniversary of the massacre. Jacques Rogge, the IOC President, said it would be “inappropriate,” although the opening ceremony included a memorium for the victims of the 7 July 2005 London bombings.

In 2014 the International Olympic Committee agreed to contribute $250,000 towards a memorial to the murdered Israeli athletes. After 44 years, the IOC commemorated the victims of the Munich massacre for the first time in the Rio 2016 Olympic Village on 4 August 2016.

In 2017, a memorial was finally established for the slain Israeli athletes.

A memorial monument to the victims of the Munich Olympics massacre was opened to the public in September 2017, along a quiet path in Munich’s Olympic park. The memorial is carved into a grassy hill, and being inside evokes the feelings of being in both a sanctuary and a cavern.

Memorial to the Israeli Athletes of 1972

 

 

 

 

In addition to the remembrance ceremony, the IOC inaugurated a new tradition in honor of the athletes; a place of mourning to be established at every future Olympics in the Olympic village. Ankie Spitzer told reporters that, “This is closure for us. This is incredibly important. We waited 44 years to have this remembrance.”

Ah yes, the Olympics they are a’changin’. The International Olympic Committee will now allow transgender men to compete as women without reassignment surgery.

But after all this, at the end of the documentary, the pieceful Falestinian says he is very proud of what he did. He would do it again. He is suppose to be the only one left of the 3 terrorists that survived that is still alive. He is somewhere in North Africa, with a wife and daughters. If he is not dead yet? May an Israeli bullet find him soon. Last lesson, some things never change. Do not delude yourself thinking they will.

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Cowboy Hats and Pink Hats

I recently attended a little hour and a half class called “Is it a Mitzvah to be Happy?” It was wonderful, so it got me thinking about happy things, and about decisions to be happy, and just going down that thought path. Then I read a column by a much favored writer, Jack Engelhard, Beware a country that loses its sense of humor. So, I’m not always very humorous, sarcasm can sometimes be a second language, but I thought I’d take a stab at some humor. So as I understand it, first we need a “set up” for context.

Guns can be dangerous, very dangerous. Probably much too dangerous for women to handle. They are more likely to have them taken away and used on them, or at least so warbles the likes of Shannon T Watts.

For sheer craziness, I offer this. Shannon T Watts and her band of merry loonies have decided to descend on poor Douglass Park neighborhood with a high crime rate. Their goal is to create more disarmed victims. If only Illinois had strict gun control I’m sure all would be well.

Little Shannon T Watts does get a bit mixed up at all the times. Immediately after the tragedy in Charlottesville when the lady was killed by a car, Shannon leapt into action!! She called for stricter control of drivers licensing, more car regulation, nothing that can go over 25 mph (except her car of course which will be unregulated) smaller cars, made of used Walmart bags. Naw, just kidding, she blamed it on guns and called for more gun control. In a unrelated story, I think Shannon T Watts needs to have her drivers license and car confiscated immediately, and I mean right now! The unhinged dingbat can’t tell a gun from a deadly assault car! She’s not safe.

But you know, it’s really only some people that should be left defenseless, like poor people. They should be left defenseless, or at least until men with guns called police can come and help them. If there’s a flood going on, then it could get a bit dicey. But if you’re important, like Shannon T Watts, or Mickey Bloomers, or you’re wearing a pink knitted hat that makes you important, you can see so clearly, you simply do not need a gun! No, certainly not! You just hire armed guards for your pink hatted loon brigade.

Leftist agitators like Linda Sarsour and Shannon Watts hiring armed protection while demanding the rest of us turn in our guns into government bureaucrats is nothing new. Watts does the same every time she shows up to protest at the NRA annual meeting. Former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who pays Watts millions to take away the Second Amendment rights of everyday Americans, doesn’t go anywhere without his security detail.

But, what I say, just what if, they are wrong? What if women really are smart? What if we really can chew bubble gum and shoot at the same time?

So for example, I present this story of a poor miscreant Ronald J. Kelly who decided to rob a thrift store with a shotgun. It was taken away from him by three thrift store employees including a woman, and she proceeded to beat him severely about the head with it. Kid you not. She’s the one that grabbed the gun, the two male co-workers saw what was going on and came and helped her.

Then we have this one,

The resident initially called 911 to report a man was trying to break into her home. She yelled at him, secured her doors and hid her children upstairs, according to a Facebook post from the sheriff’s office.

The woman then armed herself with a handgun.

He then broke in, she shot him. One shot, one hit. Moral of the story, don’t break into houses, don’t break into houses with a BAC of .250, don’t break into houses that don’t belong to Shannon T Watts and Michael Bloomberg, Rahm Emmanuel and such. For some reason Micky B. and Shannon T Watts don’t like this woman? They think she should have submitted helplessly to the drunk man that broke into the home of her and her children. Huh.

From the don’t mess with women, and really don’t mess with old women, and really really don’t mess with old armed women file, this one,

The would-be robber reportedly grabbed the woman’s purse while it rested on her shoulder, at which point, the victim brandished a weapon she had stored inside.

According to the report, the assailant then fled west through the parking lot of the grocery store and behind Belk.

But this sort of thing only happens in the United States, right? Only in the US are women in danger from this “wild west” atmosphere where men walk around with guns and women are forced to cower helplessly! Unless the women are armed and they shoot the thug.

So let’s take a look at Cherán in Mexico. Actually, this whole article is fascinating, with bits like

More than 180,000 people have been killed in Mexico since then-President Felipe Calderon sent the army to fight organized crime groups in his native state of Michoacan in 2006. But one small town in that state says it hasn’t had a homicide since 2011 because its residents — led by women — took up arms to kick out groups who had expanded from drug trafficking into illegal logging. While overall in Michoacán, federal authorities say 614 people have been killed this year, a 16 percent increase from 2016, the people of Cherán say they’ve become immune to serious crime. They expelled the politicians and local police, and community members now patrol the area wearing uniforms emblazoned with the slogan “For Justice, Security and the Restoration of Our Territory.”

The bold bits I put in bold. This article really is quite amazing.

Speaking on the “Wild West”. Have you ever heard of Annie Oakley? Annie was amazing, born into poor financial circumstances, and then her family made destitute with the death of her father. She rose above those circumstances due to her ability to shoot, and shoot very well indeed. Initially she used her skills to feed the family, by providing them food and then selling her game to the shopkeepers in town and also some restaurants. She met her future husband, Frank Butler by beating him in a shooting competition. Who needs match.com, right? Annie had some strong views on women, firearms and their capabilities.

Oakley promoted the service of women in combat operations for the United States armed forces. She wrote a letter to President William McKinley on April 5, 1898, “offering the government the services of a company of 50 ‘lady sharpshooters’ who would provide their own arms and ammunition should the U.S. go to war with Spain.”

Throughout her career, it is believed that Oakley taught upwards of 15,000 women how to use a gun. Oakley believed strongly that it was crucial for women to learn how to use a gun, as not only a form of physical and mental exercise, but also to defend themselves. She said: “I would like to see every woman know how to handle guns as naturally as they know how to handle babies.”

As a side note here, Annie also had trouble with the cnn, mslsd and mainstream media of the day.

Annie Oakley spent much of the next six years winning 54 of 55 libel lawsuits against newspapers. She collected less in judgments than the total of her legal expenses, but she felt that a restored reputation justified the loss of time and money.

Here’s a short film clip, shot in 1894 in Thomas Edison’s studio, of Oakley’s marksmanship: http://bit.ly/2uShYI3

So women can be strong, brave and resourceful. So speaking of strong, resourceful and brave, let me share with you one of my people I regularly check on Twitter. It’s the Daily Freier.

Some of My Best Friends are Freiers. providing fact-based news from Tel Aviv, Israel since 2014. This is like satire and stuff.

Think of freier as meaning fool. The Daily Freier has run a short series that just makes me smile. It’s called Linda Sarsour: Time Traveler. They have done two episodes, so far Linda Sarsour: Time Traveler and Linda Sarsour: Time Traveler. The Golda Meir Episode. I had a great idea for a third episode involving one of my personal heroines, Ruth Moritz. Happily that has not happened, yet. Why do I say yet? Because Ladies and Gentleman, I, your humble lowly scribe, received permission from The Daily Freier to use their format and idea to write a Linda Sarsour: Time Traveler. The Ruth Moritz Episode! Yeah, I’m kind of excited, so here we go.

Linda Sarsour: Time Traveler. The Ruth Moritz Episode

Linda Sarsour

 SCENE: Somewhere in the top of a minaret in Yafo the 10th of June, 1948. Two young women clutching K-98 Mausers regard the approaching Arab mob with an air of sad resolve. Suddenly a woman wearing a Pepto-Bismol pink hijab over what appears to be a culturally appropriated Navajo blanket blazer materializes, Star Trek Style.

Woman in hijab: Are you Ruth Moritz, the Zionist?

The smaller of the two women, takes a firm grip on her rifle and regards the pasty faced woman in a mildly amused fashion.

Ruth: I am, and this is my friend Miriam Aharoni.

Miriam spares a brief glance from the rapidly approaching Arab mob to stare at the gaudy outfit, sniffs and returns to lining up her rifle sights on the mob.

Linda: My name is Linda Sarsour, and I have traveled from the future to inform you two that you are not feminists.

Ruth: Is that right? Well Linda, I think we have a different definition of “feminism” than you and your friends do. You see, we know women are smart enough, capable enough and brave enough to help in the fight to regain our homeland after a few thousand years. We know we can not only chew gum, talk and shoot but unlike what you, your friends and the mainstream media proclaim, we can do it all at the same time.

Miriam loudly pops a bubble, takes aim and fires, a loud yelp is heard from the coming hoard.

Linda screeches indignantly.

Linda: OH.MY.GOSH! You SHOT him! You just SHOT him!

Linda angrily addresses Ruth.

Linda: You are so evil! Someone in your command just used a gun and KILLED someone. I don’t have friends like THAT. I have nice friends! I have famous friends! One of my best friends is Rasmea Odeh. She is SO cool, she would never use one of those evil rifles to kill someone!

Ruth venomously snarls at Linda.

Ruth: Your “friend” helped set a bomb in a crowded supermarket that killed two students and injured nine others. They were civilians, there was no battle going on, you attacked innocents.

The sound of another bubble popping is heard, followed by the crack of a rifle shot and another yelp.

Miriam: That’s it Ruth, I’m out of ammunition.

Ruth: I’ve got a couple left, you keep an eye on Gabby there.

Ruth coolly levels her rifle and takes aim at the two she guesses to be leaders of the mob and drops them both in rapid succession.

Another screech is heard from Linda.

Linda: OH.MY.GOSH!! I am feeling SO microaggressed right now! I need my safe space! Where is my safe space?

Ruth: Well, Linda, there aren’t a whole lot of safe spaces to be had around here. Miriam, what do you think? We could throw her body down the stairs, that would slow their entry up here a bit.

Miriam sizes Linda up.

Linda: Oh my gosh! Look at the time! I have so much to do! I’ve got my Hurricane relief fund to check on. I told people the fund was to help victims of Hurricane Harvey, but it’s really going to help political committees and community organizing after the flood waters recede. It worked really well with my scam on the “Repair the Jewish Cemetery” gig.  Of course if people like Israellycool or The Daily Freier find out about it they’ll blab it to everyone. I hate that! Then TDF will make fun of me. I really hate those people!

The sound of footsteps coming up stairs is getting louder.

Ruth: What do you think Miriam? Throw her or jump?

(Linda dematerializes, Star Trek style. Fade to Black.)

 

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