See? This is why we need laws for the noncriminals

Or so “Snuffy” Pfleger would have you think.

Pair charged with suburban bank robbery spree using stolen AK-47
A west suburban man and woman have been charged with robbing three banks in May using a stolen AK-47 rifle.

James D. Williams, 41, and Alexis T. Handelman, 21, are accused of three armed takeover bank robberies in a three-week period, according to a statement from the FBI. They are both residents of Bartlett.

Just another bank robbery in Chi-town, right? Why am I bringing it up?

Because these two were… geniuses

Leading up to the robberies, Williams stole an AK-47 rifle and rented different vehicles, according to the FBI. In at least one of the incidents, he attached stolen license plates to a vehicle he’d rented.

Ah! Planning. He put some thought into this. Right?

But I have to wonder about the phrasing of this line in the article.

At least one shot was fired during the Aurora robbery, but no injuries were reported, Aurora police said at the time.

I’m guessing that only one shot was fired. Take a look at this security camera picture.

Notice the distinct lack of a magazine in that rifle. Oops. Probably couldn’t figure out the rocking insert for an AK-pattern, and just said the heck with it. It being Chicago, the bank clerks apparently didn’t notice. “Look! Evil gun! We surrender.”

Down in these parts, the would-be victim would have simply kicked their butts. And gouged out their eyes.

That’s why the victim disarmers insist on more laws for we who didn’t do it: to provide safe workplaces for idiots.


Carl is an unpaid TZP volunteer. If you found this post useful, please consider dropping something in his tip jar. He could use the money, what with truck repairs and recurring bills.

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One thought on “See? This is why we need laws for the noncriminals”

  1. Dang, I hope Golden’s dog comes back! Any man that gouges out his attacker’s eyes deserves to have his dog come back. Actually, letting his dog out is reason……

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